It’s Friday, and you’re excited for the weekend until your girls suggest a beach day. You dread beach days because you hate the veins, cellulite and stretch marks on your thighs. Of course, you attend but endure the beach in uncomfortable heat and insecurity.
You dread being asked to be in a wedding, as all bridesmaids dresses make your arms look flabby. Tank weather always means sweater weather.
The thought of putting your picture on a dating app gives you an anxiety attack. “Why would anyone want to date me? I know I have a great personality, but the first thing he/she will see are my chicken legs or double chin?”
These are the stories that we tell ourselves that paralyze us from being the best version of ourselves. Working as a stylist, I have seen a lot of gorgeous celebrities struggle with these same issues. I struggle with it as I don’t love my stomach and have some stretch marks. I’ve compared myself to other bloggers and friends and have to silence the beast in my mind, and it has taken me years of self-work and practice to get over this hump.
Being an image maker, I can help a client dress to present the most stylish version of themselves, but if there isn’t a strong sense of confidence behind the clothing then they are wearing a costume! Confidence is your greatest foundation! To just embrace ourselves we have to change our body-shaming mindset and here are five tips to implement today.
1. BEGIN EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE MANTRA
Before you reach for your cell phone to check how many likes you received on your last post, you should begin your day with a positive mantra. Start your day by saying something nice. Do this when you aren’t feeling your best or when you’re tired, bloated or drained. I like to leave post-it notes around my house with positive mantras of “You are beautiful.”
“Be thankful for your body” “Love your flaws as other wish they could have what you have.” That warm feeling of love from others should start with yourself. Complimenting yourself first will change your outlook throughout the day. You will feel more confident in yourself, and with your body. Moreover, make sure to say it every day because although you might not truly feel it every day, the repetition will help ingrain in your brain the idea that you are truly beautiful in every sense of the word.
2. CHANGE YOUR INNER MONOLOGUE
Try and tap into your inner monologue and become aware of how you are speaking to yourself. Negative words permeate your aura and do permanent damage. If you talk to yourself in a toxic way and make yourself feel horrible about your body, skipping a workout or overeating it damages your cells and creates stress. Stress creates dis-ease which creates disease. A good way to change your inner monologue is to praise yourself for positive accomplishments. Made it to a workout? Tell yourself you did a good job! Found a killer outfit for an upcoming date? Tell yourself you’re F*cking gorgeous! Doing this simple thing will help you to start feeling good about yourself and will likely make you feel more confident in your skin!
3. MAKE LISTS OF ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT YOU
I truly believe you have to be the person you want to be with. We have all made a list of the characteristics we want in our partners, so try making a list of both physical and non-physical traits and gush about you! At first it may feel difficult to list the characteristics that you like about yourself but just list a few. Eventually, you will be able to write novels about all your wonderful traits. You may even want to change a few things. For example, you might start off hating a certain trait about yourself and as you start to think more positively about yourself and your body, you may end up loving that particular trait. Go back to this list every so often and be your own cheerleader!
4. SPEAK POSITIVELY ABOUT OTHERS
Follow The Golden Rule: Speak about other people the way you would want them to talk about you. In the days of social media and gossip this rings true more than ever. We have to be conscious about being judgmental and negative as the energy we put out travels back to us. Jealousy, insecurity and distrust can leave us feeling the need to be trolls within our groups, but we must lift each other up! We are who we hang out with and I choose only to surround myself with positivity. Everyone has their struggle and spreading love and positivity is the only way to achieve blissful living.
5. USE YOUR INSECURITY AS YOUR POWER
As I mentioned, as a society we are sometimes conditioned to talk about our bodies in a negative way. This is because of how the media tends to portray the unattainable assets of the “perfect woman.” In my style workshops I teach my women that we have to fight this type of shaming and embrace our flaws. We can fight body shaming and stand up to bullies by using our insecurities as power. Imagine if we were no longer fearful of our arm flab, stomach stretch mark, thick thighs or skinny ankles. What power would body shamers have over us? NOTHING! Taking the power away turns that negative into a positive because it no longer gives haters the energy to thrive. We are a work in progress. We are what we are. We must embrace it and strive to be better each day. The confidence is key, and these change will transform your life.
Trust me these five steps are easier to type than to implement. I struggle myself, and that’s the beauty of the work. The most important thing is that I’m working towards fighting the tough fight and self-love. Let me know your thoughts about how you are fighting body shaming in the comments below. Also, don’t forget to subscribe to my youtube channel!
If you want a dose of style and to create your manifesto for living in #stylewithpurpose, I've got you covered. I'm about real life, real style. I want to share my tips, advice, events and more! We can all be stylish and confident. Together we rise!